Question
Asalaamualikm,
The past two years have been been the hardest years, with lots of emotional ups and downs. I also made some major mistakes which ended up hurting my parents, family and myself. I feel as if life as has moved on but I can’t seem to forgive myself and I am starting to feel more and more depressed and incompetent day by day and it has affected my worship and my connection with Allah. I often find myself realising I need to connect back to Allah and focus on my Salahs but I find myself not fulfilling that, sometimes I pray late or miss the Salah altogether. I am getting scared that Allah is angry with me and I am getting more distant and more lazy in my worship. As I have a younger sister, her and her friends always come to me for guidance as they feel they can relate to me and now I feel like a hypocrite speaking to them/ advising them. I know what I should be doing but I can’t seem to bring myself to do it. I haven’t spoken to family about it because they always say just do, which I know is what I need to do, just get up and pray. And when I do pray I feel it being empty and not fulfilling as it used to be which makes me more guilty and worried. I am so scared that my time will run out and I will have just passed thinking about getting better and not actually getting better. I just feel like I am not good anymore, in any regard.
I don’t know what I should do or even where to start, any advice would be greatly appreciated.
JazakAllah Khair for your help.
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Response
Assalaamu ‘alaikum – peace be upon you.
Thank you for reaching out to us. We know that it isn’t easy and we appreciate the confidence you have placed in us. May you be rewarded, Ameen.
We are sorry to hear that you are feeling this way. Please take some comfort in the fact that you have already come so far by acknowledging the triggers of your negative emotions, and even some of the steps you personally need to take to resolve this, i.e. reconnecting back to Allah (SWT) for example.
Allah (SWT) is aware of the struggles you are facing and you will be rewarded for these [Qur’an 76:22].
Be reassured that one of Allah (SWT)’s qualities is that He is the Al-Ghafoor – The Most Forgiving. Whoever sincerely repents, Allah (SWT) will likely accept their repentance as mentioned in the Qur’an:
“O you who believe! Turn to Allah (SWT) with sincere repentance! It may be that your Lord will expiate from you your sins, and admit you into Gardens under which rivers flow (Paradise)” [Qur’an 66:8].
When you experience these natural emotions such as guilt and fear, or have any other negative thoughts, you may find it helpful to pause, focus on breathing techniques to regulate your emotions whilst habitually reminding yourself of the beautiful names of Allah (SWT) befitting of your situation, in order to strengthen your personal relationship with Him.
Taking time out in your day to regularly recite and understand verses from the Qur’an may also be helpful, as it can provide readers with contentment and guidance. The Qur’an is nourishment and guidance to the soul as Allah (SWT) says:
“Indeed, this Qur’an guides to that which is most suitable.” [Qur’an 17:9].
Another suggestion could be to recite Qur’anic verses either prior to or after Salah (daily prayers). By forming this habit, it may help alleviate the empty feeling you mention whilst praying. Please remember, although these feelings may not be resolved straight away, we should remain hopeful that Allah (SWT) will reward us for our well-intentioned acts of obedience as He is All-Aware.
“Allah said, fear not. Indeed, I am with you both; I hear, and I see,” [Qur’an 20:46].
It is important to remember that although everything in this life is a test from Allah (SWT), He does not burden any soul beyond what it can bear [Qur’an 2:286]. Whilst Allah (SWT) has provided you with this test, He has also blessed you with the inner strength and ability to overcome it. So, if He has the confidence in your ability to pass this test, then how can you doubt yourself?
While taking small and regular actions to reconnect to Him, try to place your full trust in Allah (SWT), have sabr in both the process and outcome, and continuously make Dua that Allah (SWT) fills your heart with faith during these difficult times In Shaa Allah (if Allah wills).
Additionally, talking to someone who is trustworthy about the emotional ups and downs you have experienced may relieve any feelings of distress, which will allow you to overcome and put these past mistakes behind you. It may also be helpful to try seeking some form of therapy or counselling as this assists greatly in learning how to cope and address negative thoughts in by using practical and recommended methods.
Alhamdulillah, Inspirited Minds offers a counselling support services through which you can speak to a qualified member of staff either via telephone, Skype or face-to-face, (please follow this link for more information on referral criteria and how to reach out to us). Alternatively, you can also reach out to your GP about your mental health if you find that these negative emotions are persistent.
These are just some humble suggestions. We sincerely hope and pray that one or more of them will be suitable to your circumstances and help create ease for you. If you would like to discuss anything else on your mind, we also offer more personalized counselling here at Inspirited Minds.
Please don’t hesitate to contact us if you need any further support.
Allah knows best and we hope this helps In Shaa Allah (if Allah wills),
Duas always,
IM Support Team
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