Question
I just wanted to say thank you for providing this service, may Allah reward you all.
This is really embarrassing for me to talk about and so I don’t even know how to approach this.
I keep on thinking about this guy and I think I like him. Sometimes these thoughts could be called zina of the mind although I don’t know much about this. It’s like in the moment I have these thoughts but afterwards I feel really regretful and anxious. Sometimes I try really hard to get rid of these thoughts and other times I let them continue. And I can tell that it’s really having a bad effect on my iman. I wake up feeling anxious about it. I don’t know what to do. I have tried to get rid of these thoughts they don’t go. What can I do? Am I sinning for doing this? Initially, I think the thoughts are from my own nafs or shaytaan but then I continue it on, so I am to blame for this. Please provide some advice on this situation. Thank you
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Response
As-Salaamun ‘Alaikum – peace be with you,
Thank you for reaching out to us, we know that it isn’t easy and we appreciate the confidence you have placed in us. May you be rewarded, Ameen.
Please don’t feel embarrassed for expressing these natural inclinations and desires which we all have. These are part of human nature which Allah (SWT) gave us. I want to reassure you that everyone, despite their faith, will get these thoughts. Please don’t let it make you lose hope in Allah’s mercy and start to have self-hatred.
The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “Allah forgives my followers those (evil deeds) their souls may whisper or suggest to them as long as they do not act (on it) or speak.” [Sahih Bukhari]
We can take some comfort from this in that these thoughts are sometimes out of our control. However, the decision we make to act upon these thoughts or allow them to pass is very much within our control.
The heart is where we form our intentions, and what we intend will influence our thoughts, followed by our actions. This is the intersection between our heart and mind.
“…in the body there is a piece of flesh; if it is sound, the whole body is sound, and if it is corrupt the whole body is corrupt. Truly, it is the heart.” [Bukhari]
We need to ensure that our heart is guided by healthy intentions so that we can avoid pursuing any action that may harm the state of our heart and ourselves as a whole.
It is the nature of the mind to build projections and illusions. Some of the ways these become impulsive or feel like a burden include:
- When we allow them to linger on or
- When they are linked to our emotional states, causing our mood to fluctuate
This is understandably very uncomfortable for a person and can sometimes create internal conflict in the form of denial instead of us having a healthy negotiation with our heart and mind and trying to reason with ourselves with rationality and logic.
There are many ways to deal with unwanted thoughts and intrusions of this nature. You may have heard of CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and mindfulness. CBT can be used to manage the biased or negative perceptions you may have of your own thoughts.
Keeping a journal can also help to keep track of your thoughts, especially on the days when you feel your thoughts deteriorating and going out of your control. Letting go means you are putting trust in Allah (SWT’s) plan.
“They plan, and Allah plan. Surely, Allah is the Best of planners.” [Qu’ran, 8:30]
The MCAPN directory list has information on accredited Muslim Counsellors and Psychotherapists
Alternatively, at Inspirited Minds we offer faith-based and culturally sensitive counselling and support services
These are just some humble suggestions. We sincerely hope and pray that one or more of them will be suitable to your circumstances and help create ease for you, In Shaa Allah (if Allah wills). If you would like to discuss anything else on your mind, we also offer more personalised counselling here at Inspirited Minds.
Please don’t hesitate to contact us if you need any further support.
Allah knows best and we hope this helps In Shaa Allah (if Allah wills).
Du’aa (supplication) always,
IM Support Team
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Ask Inspirited Minds is a safe, anonymous and confidential space for you to ask specific questions or seek advice around your mental health and wellbeing. We will publish your question and our response on our website but will make sure to make it anonymous and change any identifiable details. If you are going through these problems, then it’s highly likely someone else is going through something similar and we hope our advice can also be of help to others in a similar situation.
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