Question
Asalaamou Alaikum
My daughter attempted suicide last month and has talked about wanting to end her life for some time. She feels she has no place in this world or Islam as she is gay and has been struggling for about 13 years since she was 12/13. My whole family have banished her from all contact for the last 7 years since she told them ( against my advice) and she has been living more or less away visiting me regularly. But her anxiety and depression has come to head and she can no longer cope. She has come away completely from faith and full of anger. This has had a huge impact on my own mental health as I have a chronic illness and am dealing with a loss of my mobility and independence and with my sister being diagnosed with cancer, she is the only person, other than myself in touch with my daughter. My parents are no longer with us. And life for my daughter seems pointless. I am at a loss.
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Response
As-Salaamun ‘Alaikum
Thank you for reaching out to us. We know that it isn’t easy and we appreciate the confidence you have placed in us. May you be rewarded, Ameen.
Firstly, it is important to recognise that you are dealing with an unbelievable amount of stress with your own chronic condition and this requires help and support.
Chronic health conditions can have a negative impact on your mental health, as you have mentioned. Statistically, people with chronic illnesses have a higher risk of developing depression – as the daily uncertainty and implications of their illness may be exhausting.
There are a few things you can do from an Islamic perspective to help you manage this; such as continuously remembering the immense reward Allah (SWT) will give you for experiencing your tribulations alongside regularly supplicating to Allah (SWT) for the best outcome and remaining hopeful in His mercy, In Shaa Allah.
On a practical level, it may be helpful to keep a list of things you can still do as a reminder, such as writing, reading and any other hobbies you have to keep a balance in your life. You may also find it beneficial to request for assisted living support in the form of a social worker to help with your mobility.
It is worth remembering that looking after yourself is by no means selfish. It just means that you are in a better position to support the people around you, such as your sister and your daughter. Health conditions can be isolating, so it is important to try and talk to friends and reach out to members of the community that you trust on a regular basis to develop a good support network.
With regards to your daughter, we am sorry to hear of her pain and cannot imagine how difficult this must be for you as her mother. Encouraging your daughter to talk can be beneficial for her to ease her anxiety and help her cope. Try to actively listen by allowing her time to express her feelings without interruption.
There are also a number of mental health services that she can reach out to in order to support her both in and out of crises, please see the list below for the options available:
- Speak with a GP (if in the UK)
- Samaritans: 116 123 (calls are free)
- Speak to your local therapist. BACP is the accrediting body for counsellors in the UK, and you can search for one using the directory via their website
- Mindworks UK Psychological Services
- Sakoon (Islamic Counselling)
- Muslim Counselling Directory
Whatever action you take, remember that we are never alone and that Allah (SWT) is always with us:
“Call upon me and I will respond to you.” [Qur’an 40:60]
These are just some humble suggestions. We sincerely hope and pray that one or more of them will be suitable to your circumstances and will be a means of ease for you, In Shaa Allah (if Allah wills). If you would like to discuss anything else on your mind, we also offer more personalized counselling here at Inspirited Minds.
Please don’t hesitate to contact us if you need any further support.
Allah knows best and we hope this helps In Shaa Allah (if Allah wills).
Du’aa (supplication) always,
IM Support Team
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