Question

I have a borderline personality with bipolar disorder who is currently under treatment. I am living with my husband who I think maybe a narcissist. I need help on how to manage my self, my relationship with him, and other members of the family with healthy balanced relationships. Also, I don’t think I can afford counselling.

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Response

Assalaamu alaikum – peace be with you,

Having borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder as well as your husband’s difficulties affecting you is understandably hard so thank you for contacting us and opening up.

Borderline personality disorder or emotionally unstable personality disorder can be managed and many people with the disorder lead healthy and fulfilled lives. Bipolar can also be managed through therapies as well as medication.

You mentioned in your question that you are currently under treatment. This is amazing news as you have already made one of the hardest steps of seeking help and starting treatment. The treatment you are currently undergoing is unclear, however Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is a type of cognitive behavioral therapy, would be of benefit to you. The NHS provides DBT which was specifically developed for those with borderline personality disorder. Accessing this treatment is free, although there may be a waiting list. Factors such as interpersonal skills, emotional regulation and distress tolerance are covered and sound like they would be of benefit to you. Alternatively, here at IM we offer low-cost counselling with funded sessions available depending on your situation which you may find this also beneficial.

It is important to remember to focus on yourself and your own mental health difficulties before helping your husband and working on your relationship with other members of your family. Perhaps suggesting to your husband that he may find benefit in seeking help for his own difficulties. This may relieve you of some of the difficulties you both face. DBT also works on interpersonal relationships and how to maintain healthy relationships with friends and family.

Looking after yourself practically is also very important. Eating the right foods, getting enough sleep, and engaging in fun, recreational activities can make a huge difference to your mood, boost self-esteem and also provide a release and respite.

It is also important to remember that everything in life is a test from Allah (swt). Allah (swt) does not burden any soul beyond what it can bear (Qur’an 2:286), so you have been given the test but also the strength to overcome this test. Trust in Allah (swt) and sabr and prayer should fill your heart with ease at these difficult times.

Please don’t hesitate to contact us if you need any further support.
Allah knows best and Insha‘Allah we hope this helps,
Duas always,
IM Support Team

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Ask Inspirited Minds is a safe, anonymous and confidential space for you to ask specific questions or seek advice around your mental health and wellbeing. We will publish your question and our response on our website but will make sure to make it anonymous and change any identifiable details. If you are going through these problems, then it’s highly likely someone else is going through something similar and we hope our advice can also be of help to others in a similar situation.

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