Question
I sometimes feel like a failure and feel as though people are achieving so much even adults younger than me. I read somewhere that Allah tests the one whom he loves a lot but I don’t know how to come out of those negative thoughts that I have when I see others accomplishments. I feel as though I haven’t tried hard enough or I am not blessed enough.
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Response
As-Salaamun ‘Alaikum – peace be with you,
Thank you for reaching out to us. We know that it isn’t easy and we appreciate the confidence you have placed in us. May you be rewarded, Ameen.
At some point, we compare our situation to others and may feel inadequate. Despite constant advice from our elders and religious teachings to look at those with less than us, it can be easy to slip into focusing on those who appear more successful. Please rest assured that this is a completely normal aspect of human nature.
However, it is important to note that our perceptions often do not reflect reality. Especially with the age of social media, we often are exposed to success stories and happiness. However, what we are rarely shown is the struggle or difficult times that are endured before that success. Moreover, we do not see the hidden inequalities e.g. difference of opportunity/wealth/health etc.
It is true, however, that there are individuals who have achieved more than us. This is true at the present moment and in all walks of life. Perhaps they have achieved something sooner, but it is important to realise that your future and success do not depend on the achievements of others. As Muslims we should aim to be optimistic and trust in the plan of Allah (SWT), balancing effort with acceptance and patience. While we keep trying, we should try to not dwell in the past with regret but rather accept the Decree of Allah (SWT) and leave the outcome to him. Allah (SWT) says:
“Wherever you may be, death will overtake you, even if you should be within towers of lofty construction. But if good comes to them, they say, “This is from Allah”; and if evil befalls them, they say, “This is from you.” Say, “All [things] are from Allah.” So what is [the matter] with those people that they can hardly understand any statement? [Qur’an 4:78]
Our role in this world is to combine striving with lots of Du’a (supplication), and Dhikr (remembrance of Allah (SWT)) through the recitation of Allah (SWT’s) majestic qualities, such as Ar-Razzaq (The Provider). Also, it is key to remember that sometimes what seems like failure or deprivation is better for us, but we cannot perceive it at present.
“…But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah knows, while you know not.” [Qur’an 2:216]
These are just some humble suggestions. We sincerely hope and pray that one or more of them will be suitable to your circumstances and help create ease for you, In Shaa Allah (if Allah wills). If you would like to discuss anything else on your mind, we also offer more personalised counselling here at Inspirited Minds.
Please don’t hesitate to contact us if you need any further support.
Allah knows best and we hope this helps In Shaa Allah (if Allah wills),
Du’as (supplication) always,
IM Support Team
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