Question
Alsalam alykum was rahmat Allah tala was barakatu I’m a 14 year old I’m from a Muslim family I am not sure if this is relevent but I feel it is I wasn’t practicing being a Muslim my whole life I didn’t pray I fasted Ramadan and like other stuff but the last month the whole or so of July I started coming back I got guided alhamdulilah. These last few days I have been getting doubts about Allah and I hate it. I have been having them for the last week or so but I still prayed and I liked it no problem in the prayer what so ever no doubts about Allah when I prayed and I had this habit of reading Quran at fajr alhamdulilah. so as I said I have been getting these. Doubts they mostly started in the Quran but alhamdulilah I overcomes those so I’ve been watching these videos khutbahs and stuff and illustrative videos and that’s all that I have been watching and I guess I felt restricted? IDK if that’s the right word but I like stories romance and fiction and I like cooking shows and anime so I started googling if it’s Haram or not I found out romance stories are Haram and they were like don’t read them so i dropped them but when I continued searching and I found out that we’re going to be asked about everything in youm alqiyama and the article was like don’t waste your time and stuff so I guess I got pressured if I could give you photos of my YouTube and search history I would it’s all Islamic learnings and khutbahs from morning to night and as I said I’ve been getting doubts when I read the Quran and when Allah describes bani asrail or munafiqin I’m like that’s me and I don’t know what to do it got so bad before yesterday I thought about just becoming an atheist but I dropped it in a second I know Allah is real and what’s even more confusing is I find comfort in listening to recitian for the last two three days at night I stay up at night listening to it until I fall asleep. Could you help? I think I’m a munafiq and I don’t know how to make tawba and I’m on my period I can’t pray and I don’t feel guilty but there is this ache in my heart and I can’t sit still I can’t think about anything but this all day long I haven’t been eating and all I do is listen to khutbahs. And feel sad.
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Response
As-Salaamun ‘Alaikum – peace be with you,
Thank you for reaching out to us. We know that it isn’t easy and we appreciate the confidence you have placed in us. May you be rewarded, Ameen.
First of all, it is amazing to hear that you have been praying and reading Qur’an regularly. There is no better way to strengthen our relationship with Allah (SWT) than connecting with His words.
Knowing that Allah (SWT) is speaking directly to us through these beautiful words can also help alleviate some of the doubts that you have been experiencing. For more guidance on how to manage such doubts, please refer to the many articles that are on the IM website regarding this subject.
The Internet is a great place to research and learn more about the Deen (religion). However, it can also become a source of negativity. We watch videos and read articles in order to be inspired and acquire knowledge, but sometimes it can result in us comparing ourselves to the people who are creating the content. Even with matters regarding the Deen, this comparison can make us feel inadequate and as though we are not doing enough. We may start doubting our own intentions and actions, and find ourselves focusing on the negatives (i.e. ‘am I not good enough?’).
In reality “…Allah loves those who always turn to Him in repentance and those who purify themselves” [Qur’an 2:222].
So Allah (SWT) can see your individual efforts and loves that you are trying to be a better person for His sake. There is little benefit in comparing yourself to others because this is your life and you alone will be questioned about how you chose to live it.
Do not make practicing Islam restrictive or hard for yourself. Allah (SWT) does not ask us to spend the entire day reading Qur’an, and the entire night praying and such actions are done voluntarily. He has also not asked us to spend our entire time watching Khutbahs (Islamic sermons) or researching about Islam.
The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “Take up good deeds only as much as you are able, for the best deeds are those done regularly even if they are few” [Ibn Majah].
It is better to do a small number of deeds consistently and with sincerity, as opposed to doing many deeds not so often and half-heartedly.
You can be productive with your time, and still engage in the activities that you enjoy, like watching cooking shows and reading, as you have expressed. It is not impermissible to have hobbies. Even the Prophet (ﷺ) involved himself in sports, mainly swimming, archery, running and horse riding. As such, these are now known as the ‘Sunnah sports’ and are even utilised within different forms of Islamic therapy.
- Try to limit the amount of time you spend online, and balance this with your other hobbies.
- When you are spending time learning about Islam online, be wary about using Google as an ultimate source of knowledge. Sometimes opinions become mixed with facts and it may be difficult to differentiate between the two. Always look out for legitimate sources (e.g. Qur’an and Hadith), before referring to them and implementing practices into your life. Also, perhaps re-evaluate the type of content you are watching/reading.
- Learn about the different qualities of Allah (SWT). Learn and regularly remind yourself of His all-encompassing mercy and love for us. For example, we recite the words Ar-Rahman (The Most Gracious) and Ar-Rahim (The Most Merciful) every single day and it is essential that you remain mindful of the meanings. You can even participate in our #99withIM campaign, which is encouraging the Ummah to reflect on the names of Allah (SWT) in everyday life – find out more here.
- It’s important to remember that Allah (SWT) also wants to remind us that He is possesses these two majestic qualities before we begin any action, to provide us with a sense of comfort that as long as we have Allah (SWT), we can always rely on Him.
Please be conscious that Islam is what you make of it. If you view it as a restriction, then this perspective will be all it ever is for you. If you treat it as a means of progress and self-development, then this is what it can become for you, therefore it is crucial to always uphold a positive view.
These are just some humble suggestions. We sincerely hope and pray that one or more of them will be suitable to your circumstances and help create ease for you, In Shaa Allah (if Allah wills). If you would like to discuss anything else on your mind, we also offer more personalised counselling here at Inspirited Minds.
Please don’t hesitate to contact us if you need any further support.
Allah knows best and we hope this helps In Shaa Allah (if Allah wills).
Duas (supplication) always,
IM Support Team
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