Question

Salaam, firstly I just wanted to say that this is an amazing platform, I think most of us going through mental health trials always look for a space to speak without being identified and seek help. My question is in regard to my anxiety and my feelings towards someone. I recently put an end to a budding a relationship. I really started to like someone through spending time with them. As two God-fearing individuals, we decided to put our meetings on hold and stop seeing each other as we were developing feelings and did not want to go down the path of a haram relationship. However, my anxiety has increased. I miss him so much and because he is such an amazing person I think I’ve fallen in love with him but I know I cannot get married now as our situations do not permit. What advice would you give in terms of escaping my thoughts and dealing with my feelings. I don’t have the courage to message him about it either. Thank you so much.

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Response

Assalaamu alaikum – peace be with you,

Thank you for your kind words, we pray that our service is beneficial for you and others. We are always here to listen to those who want to share.

I’d like to start by saying that it can’t have been easy to write this and acknowledging your feelings. I appreciate how difficult it must have been to open up and seek advice and support, this shows immense courage. Thank you for contacting us.

It sounds like you are having a battle between your mind and your heart and it seems like you are trying very hard to do the right thing. May Allah reward you for all your efforts and grant you ease, ameen. The feelings of wanting to contact the person of interest and longing for him is very natural, don’t feel bad about these emotions, it is a natural process you are going through, and inshaAllah they will subside gradually.

This emotional attachment that you have for this person is very normal. In fact, it is in our fitra (innate nature) to love and wanting to have a companion, therefore it is completely normal that you have developed these feelings and you are missing this person. We often tend to feel anxious because we worry that something negative might happen, perhaps we worry that we won’t get what we want in the future. Remember that Allah knows what’s best for you and He has the ilm al-ghaib (knowledge of the unseen); He knows if there is a better time to bring you both together, where you will both be able to commit to each other completely inshaAllah.

It is very brave and mature of your both to put a hold in your relationship. When matters are handled in an islamic way, there is so much barakah (blessings) in it, especially a relationship which we hope to last for both this life and the next.

If this person is right for you and if it is meant to be, it will come to fruition by the will and Qadr (destiny) of Allah. Allah is the best of planners and things will fall into place naturally, put your tawakkul (faith) in Him.

Please remember that difficult times are a test from Allah and Allah tests those whom he loves the most and He says: “Allah does not burden a soul more that what it can bear” (Qur’an 2:286). Trust in His timings, He is always right.

It is very important that you look after yourself during this process and give yourself as much self-care as you can. Consider the options that are available to you to help with the healing process.

Here are a few things you can try to help:

  1. Connect back to Allah. Work on your salah, adhkar, dhikr, fasting. You can’t go wrong with spiritual cleanse, it will also give you a lot of comfort and tranquility. When we feel like there is no one is there to listen to us, Allah is always there. We just have to reach out to Him (swt).
  2. Physical exercise: going to the gym, swimming, boxing – this will not only focus your mind, it will also provide a physical outlet; helping in releasing frustrations.
  3. Pick a hobby, perhaps even one that you have abandoned and put your mind to that
  4. Plug your headphones in and go for long or even short walk. It can be very beneficial in letting go of worries, enabling us to gather our thoughts and put them into perspective
  5. Listening to Qur’an and lectures, I would recommend Ustadha Yasmin Mogahed’s lectures.
  6. Reading helps! My personal favourites and recommendations are: The Alchemist and Reclaim Your Heart. Yasmin Mogahed talks about attachments and especially everlasting attachment with Allah.
  7. Socialise! Contact an old friend that you haven’t spoken to for a while or arrange meet-up with a friend or family member.
  8. If you feel like you want to speak to someone, note that at Inspirited Minds we offer low-cost counselling and listening service.

I pray this will be of some comfort and of some benefit to you. Do remember that Inspirited Minds is here for you.

Please don’t hesitate to contact us if you need any further support.
Allah knows best and Insha‘Allah we hope this helps,
Duas always,
IM Support Team

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Ask Inspirited Minds is a safe, anonymous and confidential space for you to ask specific questions or seek advice around your mental health and wellbeing. We will publish your question and our response on our website but will make sure to make it anonymous and change any identifiable details. If you are going through these problems, then it’s highly likely someone else is going through something similar and we hope our advice can also be of help to others in a similar situation.

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